I am one of them. The warriors. I am ready to go to war. Yet my opponent is invisible. Maybe they didn’t bother to show up today. Maybe the opponent does not even exist. Maybe I am at war with myself.
He reminds me of you. Every man I am with, every soul that comes close. You are always here, yet always out of reach.
Have you ever wondered what holds your body together, making sure you’re not falling apart? Or why you sometimes can bend down and touch your toes, and sometimes it seems to be impossible?
Maybe there is a different way. We can make life as big and as small as we like, just as we can take life, and ourselves, very seriously. When I was younger, I thought that I had to help the world, help others, heal others. Along the way I realized it was a huge responsibility to take on and after some stumbling and falling I let it slide. I realized, even if I might want to – all I can really influence is myself and how I deal with reality.
I have not been honest. To myself. To you. To the world. For several years have I been running around, roaming, wandering, telling myself that I have no clue what I am doing. That I honestly don’t know where I am going. That I am lost in the abyss of the unknown. That I don’t know what to do with this life. That I want to give up. That I am leaving.
Being in an open relationship means that you can sleep with whomever you want. It is super simple, because people know beforehand that they can’t count on you. No strings attached, no feelings involved, no boundaries present. You don’t owe anything to anyone. Oh, and the sex. You will have a lot of sex. Always.
Sex positive. What does it mean to you? What does it look like in our community? Do we live in a sex positive society? Are we all sexually open, liberated and free? Are we truly free to express ourselves, in all the colors and flavors that we might come? Or are many of us still tormented, confused and contracted? Do you hold any judgement, guilt or shame?
This is pretty much how I used to feel. Most of the times. For a long time. As long as I can remember. Without really being aware of it. Oh, the beauty of seeing things clearly. In hindsight.
I know how it feels to be fighting my feelings Resisting what there is Being contracted Hiding. I know how it feels to be completely naked Vulnerable to the bone Fully exposed Open. I know how scary it is to open up to another human being To be fully witnessed in my sorrow, anger andContinue reading “I know how it feels”
What is intimacy to you? Is it sex? Making love? Touching someone? Speaking your truth? Unveiling your trauma’s, fears and insecurities? Are you always intimate when you have intercourse with someone? Do you always go into physical penetration when you have the desire to connect, to be intimate? Have you explored all the different flavors of intimacy, of connection, of truth? Skin to skin, heart to heart, soul to soul.
I did the Tantric Ways Series with Gaia Ma in the beginning of 2019 in Guatemala. Before going into this retreat, I had this idea, about who I was supposed to be and how I should behave in this world. I realized how I was putting myself in a cage by following so many limiting beliefs and self-regulating rules. And during our time together, I was able to slowly step out of that cage.
I sat with an elderly man the other day. We talked. He was a man who read the bible every morning and prayed to Jesus. He was raised with religion and had a very different view on life than I do. At least, that was what I thought before we truly met. While talking we contemplated life, society and spirituality. We talked about religion and how he could see God in every one of us. And then, he asked me about God
The intensity junkie. The one who thrives in chaos and indulges in extremities. The one person in the crowd who stands up when the impossible is being proposed. The one who jumps out of airplanes. The warrior. The free diver. The one who takes the last shot, the biggest piece, the greatest challenge. The worse the better; the harder it is, the easier it feels.
There will be a moment in life where you look back and see how you have changed. If you really have lived, there will probably be many of these moments. These moments are precious, like little drops of honey showing you the transformation that you have gone through.
Ever wondered if you are on the right path? Doing the right thing? Connecting to the right people? Living the right life? Ever worried that you might be failing? That you maybe could do better? That you might not be perfect? Yes, really? Fuck it.
Time is a peculiar thing. It is always changing, creating, destroying. There is always an uncertainty in what is yet to come, yet it is inevitable that it will. It is precious, to look back at your choices, your partners, your life. It is astonishing. Humbling. Every single time.
I am not a bird
You put in a cage
Just so you can look at me
Love is a work of art – it takes practice, practice and more practice. To be in love with a partner takes a lot of time, courage and work. Yet love goes even further. The love we feel for our friends, our parents, our children, ourselves – it all takes an effort, if you wantContinue reading “Purification of the heart”
Love equals pain, and therefor it is in pain that I will exist. If you love me, you will hurt me and I love you for that. I thrive on pain. I feed on pain. I feast in pain. I love pain.
When did you delve into the intimate world of sexuality? Did you start alone or together? Did you go fast or slow? Did you like it, love it, couldn’t get enough of it – or did you not get what all the fuss was about? Did you ever stop the exploration, or are you still a student?
She does not give a damn about where you are coming from, or where you are going. She does not give a damn about her past, nor does she worry about her future. She is here. She is present. She is everything I ever wanted to be, ever will be and never will get to be
My eyes are swollen. My cheeks are raw. Salt tears keep flowing. My chest is contracted. My heart is heavy. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe! I feel ripped apart, completely broken. I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. I am broken into a thousand pieces, shattered on the floor
To be in a relationship is beautiful. What is better than to share your love with the one you love? To be together with the one, share laughter and shed tears together, go on adventures or stay at home, cozy, under a warm fuzzy blanket of love – or a blanket of false promises?
How do you know how to live your life? How do you know where to go, what to do, who to surround yourself with? Is it a feeling? A thought? A longing? Is it intuition? Where is this coming from?
When was the last time you fucked someone just for the sake of fucking someone? Did she fall in love with you, or at least like you? Did you even give a fuck if she didn’t?
A good orgasm can be satisfying, but a great orgasm can be a revelation of your deepest being, unfolding the truth of who you are in ecstatic communion with your lover.
These walls. They won’t crumble. It took a lot of work to build them. And it takes a lot of work to break them down. I cried many tears. Shed a lot of layers. Went through a lot of pain. And still. I am protected
Are you always honest about how you feel? Do you always let someone know when you are hurt – by their actions, words, or lack of action? Do you always give an honest answer when someone asks how you are feeling? Far too often I did not tell the truth. Far too often, I wasContinue reading “I’m fine.”
What is it that you are looking for? What is it that you are trying to achieve? With extending your inner gaze outwards, what is it that you do not dare to face? Which shadows are waiting in your inner being – waiting to be seen, waiting to be witnessed? I would love to surrenderContinue reading “Control. Power. SURRENDER (part three)”
What is power? Is it money? Is it sex? Control? Love? What makes a powerful person? And what can powerful people make of this world? An authority has power. An elder. A wise woman or a wise man. A narcissistic abusive partner. A manipulative bitch. To whom do you give your power away? Power isContinue reading “Control. POWER. Surrender (part two)”
My beloved, I need you. You are mine. You are my obsession, I always think about you, I always want you in my life. I am using you, in every single way I can. You are my direction, my guidance, my support and my protection. I can’t live a single day without you. Without you,Continue reading “CONTROL. Power. Surrender (part one)”
Do you know who you are in this life? Have you fully embodied the darkness within your being and allowed it into your life – or are you on the safe side, the good side, the side full of love and light? I do not trust people who claim that they have no darkness. WhenContinue reading “Know thy darkness”
Every word, every action, every thought – they all have their own vibration. Always stay aware of what thoughts you have, which words you use. Think happy thoughts and you will be happy. Right? Well, those happy thoughts sometimes are very hard to find. Life is good, most of the time. Sometimes, life is aContinue reading “Fucking happy thoughts”
Do you remember how you used to feel as a little kid when you had to go to a sleepover somewhere, which was not home – while all you wanted was to be at home with your parents, your toys, your cats, your bed? Do you remember? How did it make you feel? Angry? Sad?Continue reading “Homesick. Sick of Home.”
We are the dreamers, the wanderers, the artists, the change-makers, the healers! We come to this earth to be open, to be free, to be love. We do not bend down to the system anymore, we are here to rise! Or… are we only pretending we are? The human species is amazing. We are capableContinue reading “A waste of human potential”
One of these simple questions in life: ‘What do you do for a living?’ For many a simple question with a simple answer. For me