Being in an open relationship means that you can sleep with whomever you want. It is super simple, because people know beforehand that they can’t count on you. No strings attached, no feelings involved, no boundaries present. You don’t owe anything to anyone. Oh, and the sex. You will have a lot of sex. Always. With everybody you are attracted to. Or not attracted to, for that matter. Everybody does it with everybody in those circles anyways. There is no place for intimacy, connection and depth. You just skip the emotions, triggers and processing all together. That is just how it works.
I can see myself being in an open relationship. Currently, I am there with myself. And no, it is absolutely not as described in the introduction, which is mainly based on the misconceptions that many people out there often hold about the open relationship. It can be a beautiful exploration, a wondrous world, with many possibilities, different flavors and possible intimate connections. It often goes accompanied with transparent agreements, loving intimacy and the ability to speak up about your truth, insecurities and triggers. It takes work. Hard work.
The open relationship. The first and most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves. Do you love yourself? Do you trust yourself? Do you know yourself? Are you grounded and able to connect from that depth within yourself, to the depths of another being? We are in a time, where many of us are experimenting with what works in the field of relations, testing the conditions that society set out for us and finding our own truth. I am among those people.
Every relationship, may it be friendship, a family bond, a monogamous or poly-amorous relationship, can teach you a lot about you. I often found myself in monogamous relationships, where I would be very loyal – and where I could lose a sense if who I really was. I would restrict myself, adapt to the other, missing out of so many aspect of who I really am. Hence, I am now choosing to have the the open relationship with only me in the picture at first. Allowing myself to feel myself, be myself and explore with myself. I may stay in intimacy with myself, yet also reach out to others when that space arises. I am learning how to relate in different ways, from different perspectives, to different people, constantly checking in with myself. Am I still in alignment? Am I still living my truth?
Finding my truth is a process. An ever-changing process. Every interaction I have and every being I meet is showing me something. It is helping me investigate what I want and how I feel. It shows me what works for me, and what not. Sometimes it is a beautiful encounter, full of love and expansion. Sometimes, there are lessons to be learned which are not as pretty. And both are good. It is a beautiful dance between expansion and contraction. A dance between lovers in life. A dance, between you and I.
The concept of an open relationship does not have to be limited to the romantic or sexual relationship. It does not mean that you by definition are sleeping with more than one person, or that your love relationships are limited only to the physical aspects of it. Being in an open relationship can go way beyond that. Am I able to meet every single being on this path of life, from a place of openness, truth, and expansion? Can I rise up, be present, be me? Always? Do I dare to be intimate, beyond the physical?
What is intimacy? Intimacy, to me, goes far beyond the physical form and way beyond sexuality. It is about showing up, being raw and vulnerable, without hiding any pain, pleasure or truth. Intimacy is about going to those places in life, that might seem to be confronting and uncomfortable – yet deciding to go there anyway for the sake of growth, for the sake of love, for the sake of truth. It is meeting from a place of intimate connection to oneself, without hiding behind any facade or without putting up any mask.
Meeting without masks. It used to terrify me and therefore I spent a lot of time building a lot of armor. I was making sure no one could get in. I figured, if no one could really touch me, no one could really hurt me. Downside was, I could also not get out. It takes an effort to drop the armor, find the way and do the work. Slowly, slowly, step by step, more and more – wherever I go, whomever I meet, I am there. Intimately. Effortlessly.
It’s a training, of life perhaps, to show up fully when it’s easy. To stay there, when it is challenging. And yet, so many of us dare to go down that rabbit hole and dive into the exploration of open relating. Some of us just jump straight in, getting rough and a little shaken along the way. Others take it very, very slow, analyzing, reading, feeling, thinking – and maybe, without ever going there, deciding it is not for them. And who are we, really, to judge any of that?
I am Linde de Bock. I give bodywork sessions around the world, and I write. What I write is my truth, coming from my own experience, different teachings and life. If you wish to find out more about what I do, want to book a session or aim to collaborate – I invite you to take a look at my web page or to contact me with any inquiry.