I did The Tantric Ways Series with Gaia Ma in the beginning of 2019 in Guatemala. Before going into this retreat, I had this idea, about who I was supposed to be and how I should behave in this world. I realized how I was putting myself in a cage by following so many limiting beliefs and self-regulating rules. And during our time together, I was able to slowly step out of that cage. I was able to find my own voice again, my own flow, my own way of being. For this, and many other precious teachings, memories and insights, I am very grateful. And now I am inspired to share some of the insights that I have taken with me.
There is so much that could be said about my process during these three weeks, yet words wouldn’t really do it justice. Sometimes things are experienced in the moment and also stay in the moment where they belong. During the whole Tantric Ways Gaia constantly found a balance between being supportive or being challenging, nudging and pushing me into different directions. This allowed me to go even deeper than I could go by myself. And that resulted in opening up to new insights which made many pieces of my puzzle fall into place.
Can I trust you?
One of the first things that I wanted to ask Gaia when I first met her, was if I could trust her. I have done a fair number of workshops and retreats, and in the beginning there has always been this underlying current of not being sure if I can trust my surroundings, my peers, and especially my teacher. I confronted Gaia with this on the first day, and I was met with understanding and space to feel exactly what I felt. That set the tone for the rest of the retreat, which stretched to many corners of my being.
The biggest piece that I faced during these three weeks was related to trust. To some extent, I always felt that I could not trust the world. Can I trust my parents to be there for me? Can I trust my partner to be honest to me? Can I trust my community that they will be supportive? Should I maybe just run and leave, because they probably are not to be trusted?
When looking into trust, for me it seemed that I always attracted people who could not be trusted. What I realized in these three weeks, was that it was myself whom I did not trust. Something which seemed so obvious, lying on the surface of my being, got crystal clear to me – I don’t trust myself. This deep realization made it possible for me to do some more work around it. And we did. From breathing through it, dancing with it and simply being held in my process, I made progress, step by step, breath by breath.
During these three weeks I experienced many different phases, from very high highs to extremely low lows. We used a lot of different techniques, from breathing, dancing, sharing and meditations. I have been held, nurtured, challenged, triggered. I had the space to face a lot of my own buried shit. I have looked into some deep ancestral lines. I got to know my body better. I got to know myself. And what I learned, is that I can trust myself. I can trust myself, and thus I am safe in this world. I had heard that many times before, but during this retreat was the first time I felt that I could trust myself.
I believe I am the one who is responsible for my own growth, yet I can ask for guidance and support when needed. Gaia was there to hold space for me, alongside with the other participants who would also function as a safety blanket, a trigger or dance partner alike. Gaia knew how to pierce through the bullshit and find a supportive ground to work from. She never pushed me through any doors, but she did hold them wide open for me to step through. I have felt met, in every form that I can be – may it be strong, chaotic, wrecked, angry of just simply full of ecstasy. It has been a very rough ride, yet it was also filled with so many moments of connection, happiness and love. Like little drops of honey, seeping in between the tough patches, sharing this journey with a super supportive and strong group of present people.
Be your own Guru.
Now is the time to do your work. There are always deeper layers do dig into, new insights to gain, new things to explore. When exactly the right time is, no one will really know until it is there. In the weeks and months after this retreat, waves of insights continue to ripple through my being. New teachings are coming in, wave after wave. Life is a rollercoaster and sometimes we get to choose to sit in the front and sometimes we might hang out in the back. Both is good, only the view will be different.
Who do you choose? Where do you go? Which retreat is the best? We live in a world where there are so many retreats, workshops, tantra-teachers and these so-called guru’s alike. And you could ask yourself which way to go. The best answer might be to fly your own magic carpet and be your own Guru, yet we sometimes want some more guidance, at least I know I do. Before I decided to attend the Tantric Ways Series, I had heard many things about Gaia. She was always one of those people I wanted to meet, but never crossed paths with. Until now.
Gaia is one of the most authentic, strong and extremely sweet women that I know. I honestly want to say from my heart that she is something special. She is a unique being, which is courageously doing her work on this planet in her own, fierce way. I find her inspiring, safe, raw, brilliant and transparent. We all have our own ways, our own lessons to learn and our own teachers whom we resonate with. Teachers and students find one another Gaia may or may not be the perfect teacher for you. I certainly can’t decide that for you? That being said: for me, Gaia was the perfect teacher in the perfect moment.
Do you want to breathe, touch, scream, jump, dance, hug, cry, laugh and love? Are you ready to take life by the horns? Do you dare to truly look at your own shadows? Are you curious about yourself, your lovers, your communities? Do you feel intrigued? Do you feel the call to do the work? Then I recommend you to trust yourself and go for it!
I am Linde de Bock. I give bodywork sessions around the world, and I write. What I write is my truth, coming from my own experience, different teachings and life. If you wish to find out more about what I do, want to book a session or aim to collaborate – I invite you to take a look at my web page or to contact me with any inquiry.