Sex happens; it is not a thing that you have to do. So you have to learn the eastern attitude toward sex, the Tantra attitude. The Tantra attitude is that you be loving to a person. There is no need to plan, there is no need to rehearse in the mind. There is no need to do anything in particular: just be loving and available. Go on playing with each other’s energy. And when you start making love, there is no need to make it great. Otherwise you will be pretending and so will the other person. He will pretend that he is a great lover and you will pretend that you are a great lover… and both are unsatisfied!
Osho – The Open Secret
Sex. We all know it. We all think about it. We are all confronted with it. Many of us are doing it. And still, there is so much that we do not know about it. It keeps surprising me, that we all know so little about something which has the potential to be so special. When did you delve into the intimate world of sexuality? Did you start alone or together? Did you go fast or slow? Did you like it, love it, couldn’t get enough of it – or did you not get what all the fuss was about? Did you ever stop the exploration, or are you still a student?
When I got to a certain age, I couldn’t wait to start exploring. I thought: if I do not do it now, it will never happen. To be honest, I didn’t really get it in the beginning – and thus I tried many different things. I have done the drunken one night-stands, the long, meaningful lovemaking, the make-up sex and the break-up sex. The tied up sex, the weird sex, the funny sex, the vanilla sex and the aggressive sex. I have had sex on many different locations, for many different reasons. And honestly, I think what I have done is nothing, compared to all the possibilities that roam this world.
Less is sometimes more. We live in a world where sex can be bought almost everywhere, where you just need to swipe left to arrange a sex-date and the sexual liberation seems to have never stopped. But are we sexually fulfilled? Are we happy? Or are we longing for a different reality, a different kind of lovemaking, a different way of being? Are we reaching our full sexual potential, or is there still more to discover? What determines good sex? When do you think of yourself as a good lover?
If you have sex every day?
If you have sex every week?
If you only have sex when you want to?
If you can make her come before you do?
If you can make him come in a couple of minutes?
If you can make her squirt?
If you can go into full body orgasms, without ejaculation?
If you have a different lover every night?
If you never left the side of your first partner?
If you have no shame nor boundaries?
If you know how to say no?
It is up to each individual human being to determine what works for them. Most of us hold many ideas and opinions about what a good sex life should look like. But think about it – who are you, really, to judge anyone else? Who put you in charge to determine what someone else needs? How liberating would it feel, if all you would have to do is take care of your own life, and your own sexuality?
I have had many different relationships with sexuality. It started with curiosity. Then I fell in love. From love to heartbreak. I abandoned intimacy. Sex without love or intimacy is possible. But not fulfilling. I have spent many years searching, longing, yearning for a deeper meaning in sex, and in life, for I still did not get it. It has been an interesting journey. An amazing, confusing, confronting, ever-ongoing journey.
What is sexuality without love? Are we only aiming for pleasure and doing it for the sake of doing it – or is there more? What if our lovemaking becomes a form of meditation, what if it becomes our spiritual practice? What happens when we shift our focus from addiction, obsession and orgasm to a place of connection, devotion and celebration? Is there anyone who is not interested in a more fulfilling love life, where intimacy, love, sensuality, freedom and expansion are not just empty words – but the core of your sexual being?
I feel like an explorer, a wanderer, walking a path of love beyond limiting beliefs, filled with growth, evolution and curiosity. And how I would wish to tell you that I get it now, but to be honest, I am still on a mission. A mission of exploring all the different sides of it, to go deeper, exploring the vast amount of possibilities. A mission, to let go and become who I truly am.
A lot of excitement, arousal and growth can occur within the exploration of the infinite possibilities in the sexual realm. But also old patterns, insecurities and fear may arise. Choose your lovers wisely. Connect heart to heart. Slow down. When coming from a place of love, integrity and authenticity, the exploration of sex and intimacy may expand beyond your imagination.
It is a very silent prayer.
Making love is meditation.
It is sacred, it is the holiest of holies.
So while you are making love go very slowly.
With taste, taking in every flavour of it.
And very slowly:
There is no hurry,
No need to hurry;
Enough time is there.
Osho – The Open Secret
I am Linde de Bock. I give bodywork sessions around the world, and I write. What I write is my truth, coming from my own experience, different teachings and life. If it resonates with you, good. If it doesn’t, good. Think for yourself what is true. If you wish to find out more about what I do, I invite you to take a look at my web page or to contact me with any inquiry.