When the battle is over

He loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, he loves her not, he loves her, she loves him not, he loves, she loves..

To be in a relationship is beautiful. What is better than to share your love with the one you love? To be together with the one, share laughter and shed tears together, go on adventures or stay at home, cozy, under a warm fuzzy blanket of love – or a blanket of false promises? For a relationship might look beautiful, but it is damn hard work if you want it to last.

It’s not me babe, it’s you. I was fine all by myself, it is when I am with you that I am standing face to face with my biggest demons, my worst nightmares and hardest triggers. You are a damn attractive mirror, but man, you make things look bad – for you and me both, honey.

When I am being my rational self, I understand that no one else but me is responsible for my happiness, my sex-life, my emotions. I am my own sovereign being and I own that shit. But then, when prince charming comes along, he swoops me of my feet and I fall, and I fall hard. Everything that I had tucked away safely, hidden in the darkest corners of my being is rising to the surface when I am with my beloved.

What do you mean, I have trust issues? Are you saying that I am not always to dictate how you feel, where you are and what you do? Are you saying, that I am not always in control?

For me, being in a relationship feels like a battle, or a brutal warrior training if I may, where only the strongest survive. I am in a constant fight with my old patterns and societies conditioning about what love should look like. I am dealing with my own triggers, my own pain and my own struggles – and simultaneously I am trying to love another messy human being, with all his struggles within his warrior training.

There are many reasons why people are in a relationship. It can be because of love, but also for safety, kids, money, status, afraid of being alone, afraid of letting go, afraid of what other people may think, afraid of making the wrong choice and so on.

And then there is the relationship for growth. The one where two people meet, who are committed to their path, and choose to help one another by showing them their truth. And often, the truth is hard. We often find partners who have traits that might trigger us. When we are in a relationship for growth, we will get triggered, we will fight and we will learn our lessons, even if it is painful.

Some people say we have a soul family: a group of souls who met long before we were born in this world. We sometimes meet them in this life, and they have important lessons to teach us. There is a recognition when we find them, a knowing, that you belong together, even if it may be for just a little while. They say that before we were born, we made an agreement. We agreed to show each other something in this world, to help each other evolve.

Maybe I wanted to experience a heartbreak, for I want to find my own strength. Maybe I want to experience infidelity, for I want to practice forgiveness. Whatever it may be, it was my choice, and one of the members of my soul family can then take upon this task. There is no one to blame, no one to hold responsible. There is only gratitude, for the one that is taking up this difficult, yet graceful task. It might hurt, but in the end there will be growth.

There is no perfect. There will always be struggle. You just need to choose who you want to struggle with. And sometimes, we need to choose ourselves – and let go. When the battle is over, it is time to get back to ourselves. It hurts. Every time when we say goodbye, baby, it hurts.

I love you. I thank you. I set you free.


I am Linde de Bock. I give bodywork sessions around the world, and I write. What I write is my truth, coming from my own experience, different teachings and life. If it resonates with you, good. If it doesn’t, good. Think for yourself what is true. If you wish to find out more about what I do, I invite you to take a look at my web page or to contact me with any inquiry.   


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