Fuck for the sake of love

When was the last time you fucked someone just for the sake of fucking someone? Did she fall in love with you, or at least like you? Did you even give a fuck if she didn’t?

There is a sexual consumerism roaming our world. We (want to) fuck a lot, with a lot of people, a lot of times. Often, we are left behind with this unsatisfied feeling of something missing, and we fuck someone else to fill up the gaping void. Or we watch porn, or devour a bin of Ben&Jerry’s. We do what it takes to fulfill our unfulfilled desires, even when we are not sure where they are coming from. What if we would be able to gain more understanding of what sex actually is – or could be?

In Tantric principles, transforming and harnessing sexual energy is one of the points of focus within its teachings. One principle is the connection and energy exchange that occurs when the penis is inside the vagina, which also may be called lovemaking. When done right, the man can receive energy from being inside the vagina and simultaneously the woman extracts the energy from his penis. When done right, this energy exchange is balanced, and both partners can feel more energized, fulfilled and satisfied.

Unfortunately, many of us lack information and blinded as we are, we dive into a different kind of expression. Fast sex, numb one-nightstands, porn – whatever we think is a quick fix for the yearning of this deep and long connection between lovers. How long do you usually spend inside a woman? How long does he usually last, before he explodes into an orgasm – or how long does she last?

It is not about doing it in a good or bad way, rather about doing it in a conscious or unconscious way. When we grow up, at one point we transform into these sexual beings and start exploring our sexuality. Lots of fun, and lots of confusion. Most of the time we start by ourselves and then go on experimenting with each other. There is a huge lack of information and education within this playground though – we are taught what condoms are and how to put it on a banana, but no one really teaches you what else there is to sex. What about the endless possibilities within the realm of lovemaking? What about the energetic consequences, the deep connections we dive into or the feelings that may get hurt?

We make mistakes in order to learn. Becoming a conscious sexual being is something that takes years, and perhaps the first step is to become conscious about being unconscious. If you don’t know that you could do it in a different way, how would you ever find out? When growing up most of us have had sexual encounters that were not exactly what we wanted it or expected it to be. Perhaps you tried to make her love you by having sex with her? Or perhaps you thought you could fuck him and then leave, without hurting anyone? Have you ever hurt someone, because you thought you had it all under control – while you didn’t?

You might get hurt. You might hurt someone. This is part of the marvelous life which is filled with beautiful yet tough lessons. Making mistakes is a good thing, for it shapes who you are becoming. Be a donkey. A donkey does not hit the same rock twice, yet sometimes it is necessary to repeat your own mistakes, more than once, to finally learn what you need to learn. Grow in awareness, grow in consciousness, and the mistakes that you make will be in a different light. Eventually you will evolve and become more in tune with the core of your sexuality.

Sex is everywhere. Sex is inevitable. There is a shift going on nowadays, where people seek more understanding of their own sexuality. Where our educational systems failed and left us in the dark, we are now taking responsibility and we try to learn more, experience more, evolve more. The world is filled with many teachers, workshops, do-it-yourself instruction videos. Where to find what is true – and what is not?

One thing to remember is to always think for yourself what is true, and to always do your own research. If something feels off, it probably is. Become aware of your own sexual boundaries and within this area, explore. Don’t become afraid of making mistakes, it is part of life, yet always be conscious about who you fuck, and why. For the love of lovemaking, stay connected to your heart and to your lovers. Be respectful, yet curious. Be bold, but caring. Be brutally honest, yet forgiving. Fuck for the sake of loving and love for the sake of all beings.  

Photocredits: Dani Olivier